Thank you

Thank you. Thank you to all ladies who've reached out to me in my time of need. You know how I feel and you've showed me that I will be okay. <3 When I tried to push my feelings away, you showed me it's okay to let them out. We're connected in a way most people will never understand - we share grief, pain, strength and most of all love. I can never express fully how greatful I am for what I've learned from all of you.

3 months

Yesterday, the day before valentines day Cary & my parents suprised with me flowers & a stuffed kitty that looks like my Fella (cuz they know how much I love my little man, best kitty in the world<3). They gave me beautiful yellow lily's - it wasnt for Valentines day, it was a sweet gesture to let me know they think about my sweet baby Lily aswell. Sometimes, it seems like I'm the only one who still feels the pain of loosing her, but thats not true. Im not alone in my grief. Yesterday, Lily would have been 3 months old. If I could have anything in the world right now, it'd just to be able to hold her and tell her how I love her, god I love her so much. Some people say you cant miss someone you never met, but I miss her so much..

I really cant believe its been 3 months already - it's gone by so fast. Daily life has a new normal, not what I thought it'd be like but I can handle it and I'm doing okay.

On a happier note, Cary and I had our Valentines day on the weekend, it was filled with homemade truffles (courtesy of moi), sappy cards, wine, horror movies and cuddles. I'm one lucky girl to have this man in my life.

I'm so happy Ive found someone who's not perfect but so perfect for me, gives me hope and gives me strength and is the love of my life. I dont know what'd do with out him - especially in times like these.

Nursery

 I've been thinking alot about the nursery lately - I wish I had put away Lily's stuff along time ago. It's been almost 4 months since we lost her & all of the times I've gone in her room, intending on trying to put things away, I've ended up curled up in the fetal position bawling my eyes out. Now, I feel like I wont be able to move forward with my life until that room is boxed up. We sleep right next door to her room and as soon as I go to bed and I think about her stuff just sitting in that room, untouch, unused - it breaks my heart over and over. I've even gone as far as sleeping upstairs sometimes.

I feel guilty for just leaving it there also, all this time and I've just left it sitting there. I wish I had just made myself do it much earlier. Maybe, it's a good thing I didnt push myself to do it so early on? Maybe I should have just done it? I dont know, but now I have to do it and it's either going to make me hurt even more or make me stronger..

I'll keep you posted on that one. I dont want to hurt anymore so I'm hoping the end result is the latter.