I've been thinking alot about the nursery lately - I wish I had put away Lily's stuff along time ago. It's been almost 4 months since we lost her & all of the times I've gone in her room, intending on trying to put things away, I've ended up curled up in the fetal position bawling my eyes out. Now, I feel like I wont be able to move forward with my life until that room is boxed up. We sleep right next door to her room and as soon as I go to bed and I think about her stuff just sitting in that room, untouch, unused - it breaks my heart over and over. I've even gone as far as sleeping upstairs sometimes.
I feel guilty for just leaving it there also, all this time and I've just left it sitting there. I wish I had just made myself do it much earlier. Maybe, it's a good thing I didnt push myself to do it so early on? Maybe I should have just done it? I dont know, but now I have to do it and it's either going to make me hurt even more or make me stronger..
I'll keep you posted on that one. I dont want to hurt anymore so I'm hoping the end result is the latter.
It will hurt no matter when you do it, and it will make you stronger. One day you will wake up and know that it is the right time. Until then, don't push yourself and don't feel bad about not having done it yet. No one is keeping score. You just have to do with when the time is right. From other baby loss Mom's I knows, some took the nurseries down quickly and others haven't done it yet....and most of the BLM's I know lost their baby between 7-10 months ago.
ReplyDeleteIt will be sad and heartbreaking when you do it, just go with whatever you feel at the time, take breaks....do whatever you need to do.